9 Things That Blocked My Access to Medical Treatment

CN: detailed discussion of chronic pain, PTSD, doctor neglect, and ableism; mention of emesis. I am updating and republishing some of my early articles from this blog. Please enjoy this article that was originally published as “26” in March, 2017, and has been cross-posted on medium, about the early attempts to diagnose the cause of my chronic pain and other symptoms.  When you meet a new doctor, you’re allowed just a few sentences to communicate everything about …Read More

What Does Dissociation Feel Like?

CN: extensive and detailed descriptions of what disordered dissociation can feel like; extensive discussion of Dissociative Identity Disorder, amnesia, and mental health management in general; specific examples of abuse; general discussion of trauma and chronic pain.  Added note of caution: Some people who struggle with dissociation find that reading detailed descriptions of dissociation can bring on those symptoms for them. Read at your own pace and take care of yourself.  For as long as I …Read More

Early Signs That I Had Dissociative Identity Disorder

CN: extensive discussion of the symptoms and experince of dissociative identity disorder, such as dissociation, trauma flash backs, amnesia, anxiety, and extreme emotional fluctuations.  Dissociative Identity Disorder is a really unique and amazing mental illness, or as we like to call it, a survival mechanism. In most of the media portrayals of DID, the separate identities are dramatically and obviously different, switches are highly visible, and the host is constantly disoriented by their blackouts and …Read More

What Is Plurality/Multiplicity?

CN: extensive discussion of plurality, dissociative disorders, mental health, and the impact of trauma, ableism; brief discussion of amnesia. For every type of marginalization you encounter, there will be an invisible barrier to understanding the humanity of those who face structural disenfranchisement that you do not. Even beyond gaining the knowledge that these structural inequities exist and have been forced upon an innocent group of people, we still carry with us a tendency to view …Read More

Article on Medium: Why Does Everything Feel So Hard Right Now If I’m Fine

When social-distancing first started, I figured, besides my anxiety about the virus itself, my life wouldn’t change a huge amount and the transition would probably be easy for me. My work is already remote, my financial situation is stable, and my partner and I are pretty used to co-existing in our apartment for long periods of time. Almost immediately, I found that if I didn’t work hard to use my systems and tools meant to …Read More

Recovering from Abuse: Was Everything My Fault?

CN: extensive discussion of the dynamics, healing process, and emotional experience of abuse. General discussion of PTSD and trauma responses. This post may encourage trauma processing. Read it at your own pace! I have a large number of friends who have been through at least one kind of abuse and I’ve noticed that if someone has gone through the process of recognizing that something that happened to them was abusive at least once, it becomes …Read More

It Can’t Be That Bad: How the Medical System Let Me Fall Through the Cracks

CN: Explicit descriptions and in depth discussion of chronic pain, abuse, medical neglect, gaslighting, and oppression through poverty. Discussion of sexual assault, trauma, mental and illness. Mention of genitals. There is a disconnect between the experience of a patient and the experience of a medical professional, one that worsens if the patient’s illness is chronic or not easily explained. As more and more stories of medical neglect as a result of marginalization are brought to …Read More