Why I Stopped Taking Gabapentin

I am updating and republishing some of my early articles from this blog. Please enjoy this article, originally published under the title “Color” in March of 2017, about the early days of my chronic pain journey.  CN: extensive discussion of the experience of anxiety, chronic pain, medication side effects, and medical neglect. Duloxetine was the first pain medication my doctor ever prescribed me, an anti-depressant that can sometimes help with pain.  A year after I …Read More

What Does Dissociation Feel Like?

CN: extensive and detailed descriptions of what disordered dissociation can feel like; extensive discussion of Dissociative Identity Disorder, amnesia, and mental health management in general; specific examples of abuse; general discussion of trauma and chronic pain.  Added note of caution: Some people who struggle with dissociation find that reading detailed descriptions of dissociation can bring on those symptoms for them. Read at your own pace and take care of yourself.  For as long as I …Read More

Early Signs That I Had Dissociative Identity Disorder

CN: extensive discussion of the symptoms and experince of dissociative identity disorder, such as dissociation, trauma flash backs, amnesia, anxiety, and extreme emotional fluctuations.  Dissociative Identity Disorder is a really unique and amazing mental illness, or as we like to call it, a survival mechanism. In most of the media portrayals of DID, the separate identities are dramatically and obviously different, switches are highly visible, and the host is constantly disoriented by their blackouts and …Read More

Who Am I Today? How My DID System and I Figure Out Who Is Fronting

CN: Extensive discussion of plurality, dissociative disorders, and identity disruption, brief discussion of some of the distressing symptoms of dissociative disorders Most mornings, my boyfriend will greet me with a hug and say, “Who are you today?” This is a more complicated question for me than it is for most people.  I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder in August of 2020, a mental health condition that means my identity is split up into a …Read More